Rejecting promotions, PIPs, and other dreaded conversations

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Being a people leader can bring an immense amount of joy and accomplishment. But what happens when you’re faced with an uncomfortable conversation? 

An engineering manager’s role isn’t just about strategy, delivery, or metrics – it’s about people. And among all the responsibilities that come with leadership, two stand out as especially difficult: Deciding if someone isn’t ready for a promotion, and supporting a team member who’s falling short in their role.

These are tough conversations, no doubt. But here’s the good news: they’re also moments of opportunity. Handled with empathy and clarity, they can actually build trust, create growth, and strengthen the relationships you have with your team.

How to navigate a promotion rejection 

Turning someone down for a promotion is never easy. Even when it’s the right call, delivering the message can feel like walking a tightrope, trying to be honest without crushing morale.

But there are some things you can do to stop the situation from spiralling. The biggest thing to avoid is letting the news come as a total surprise. 

You can’t tell someone they’re “doing great” all year and then, come review season, tell them they’re not ready to level up. That breaks trust fast. If you know that a report is looking to level up but you believe they’re still not on track for the next step, raise it early. Start the conversation when there’s still time to course-correct.

How to say “not yet” the right way

Beating around the bush isn’t constructive. When someone’s not promotion-ready, be clear about why. Then shift the conversation toward how they can get there. Work together to define the skills or behaviors that need to improve, and create a shared plan to make progress. 

Not only does this channel their disappointment in the right direction, but it also forges a partnership between manager and report. By giving them control over their future and support, you make it more likely that they step up to the challenge and stick around to do so. 

Don’t forget that feedback is a two-way street. Use tools like 360 reviews to assess how your own leadership might be affecting your team. You might be contributing to someone’s stagnation without realizing it. Being open to feedback yourself is what earns respect and fosters growth on both sides.

Promotions aren’t for everybody, all the time

Promotions need to be earned, not given as a way to pacify or retain someone. When advancement is based on merit, it builds a culture of pride, ownership, and motivation.

However, when orgs are too quick to promote individuals, the wrong signals are sent to others. Firstly, roles start to lose their meaning, and titles are inflated beyond actual performance. 

Secondly, standards of performance become inconsistent across teams, stoking resentment among peers. Take, for example, two teams: if promotions come more easily in team A than in team B, members of team B may feel dissatisfied, not because they lack growth opportunities, but because they perceive the path to advancement as unfair. It may even lead to a spike in talent attrition. And beware – the Peter Principle (instead of promoting people to the roles they are best suited for, companies tend to reward successful employees with roles for which they are not qualified) may be just around the corner when promotions are driven by ease rather than readiness.

Thirdly, leadership weakens if people are promoted before they’re ready, creating a ripple effect of dysfunction across teams. If someone has been promoted into a position of leadership before their time, it will impact how decisions are made, how teams are led, and how work gets done. 

The dysfunction spans several areas;

• Team morale lowers. Team members know when leaders aren’t equipped for their positions. They may feel frustrated by poor decisions, lack of direction, or uneven treatment. This leads to disengagement and possibly to attrition.
• Standards slip. Without the right experience, a new leader may struggle to uphold quality, enforce accountability, or model desired behaviors.
• Trust erodes. When people perceive that promotions are based on timing, relationships, or convenience (rather than capability and readiness), it undermines belief in the fairness of the leadership pipeline. This can result in skepticism, politics, and disengagement.

This imbalance also spills into senior leadership territory, as they are most often the ones to clean up an underqualified manager’s mistakes. When that happens, it’s not just the individual output that suffers; entire teams suffer. This can quickly snowball into toxic environments and a leadership vacuum where senior managers lose valuable time they should be spending on long-term strategy. 

When performance needs a reset

It’s one thing if you’re facing a scenario where someone is hungry for a promotion and trying to show up in a way they should. However, it’s not too uncommon to face situations where team members, especially junior ones, aren’t meeting expectations.

It’s tempting to treat all performance problems the same, but that’s a mistake. The way you handle underperformance should depend heavily on experience level. Let’s focus on junior engineers.

Junior engineers are often less experienced overall: in communication, technical knowledge, self-management, navigating ambiguity, and understanding workplace dynamics. They’re still learning how to be professionals. 

But having empathy for their experience is an important starting block, especially if they’re aware that their performance isn’t all it could be. Often, if an engineer’s performance has started to slip, they can quickly fall into what I call the “performance spiral,” where small failures chip away at their confidence, leading to more mistakes and more doubt. 

Your job is to stop the spiral, not speed it up.

Start by creating a foundation of psychological safety. Let them know they’re not alone, and that needing guidance doesn’t mean they’re failing – it means they’re learning. The more supported they feel, the better they’ll perform.

For example, schedule regular 1:1 check-ins specifically focused on their growth and challenges, where they can speak openly about their struggles without fear of judgment. Encourage questions and celebrate small wins during these sessions to build confidence.

Another example is to be transparent about your own learning curve or past struggles. Sharing that senior engineers can make mistakes and have had to learn on the job helps normalize their experience and builds trust.

Rethink the role of PIPs

Performance improvement plans (PIPs) have their place – but they shouldn’t be your go-to. PIPs add pressure, and pressure can muddy the water even more, especially if you’re dealing with early-career folks. Even experienced engineers can struggle under the weight of a PIP, so expecting those in their first full-time job to catapult to new heights of success is unrealistic.

Here are some things you can focus on instead: 

• Provide ongoing, specific feedback. Help them see exactly where they’re struggling and how to improve.  
• Set small, confidence-building goals. Let them earn wins that restore momentum.  
• Stay involved. If you notice performance dwindling, don’t wait until things get worse. Check in often with 1:1s or async messages. Make sure you’re present. 
• Foster mentorship. Pair them with senior teammates who can model best practices and offer encouragement.  
• Invest in development. Share books, courses, or resources tailored to their current level.  
• Stretch without overwhelming. Give them projects that challenge them just enough, but still set them up to succeed.

As Wiebke Beiche, Director of People and Culture at Orfium,  put it to me once,  “A strong manager nurtures a team culture where support comes naturally. That foundation makes it easier to lift up struggling team members – and strengthens the entire group over time.”

When you help someone recover from underperformance, you don’t just build skills, you build loyalty. And that kind of trust pays dividends.

Be the leader they remember

Managing people means facing hard decisions. But those moments – saying no to a promotion, stepping in when someone is slipping – are where real leadership lies.

Don’t shy away. Embrace the discomfort, and use it as a chance to connect, guide, and empower.

Be honest. Be empathetic. And most importantly, be proactive. Whether it’s helping someone earn their next role or get back on track, your investment in their growth is what sets you apart.

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